"I don't know about my dreams. I don't know about my dreamin anymore."

It's been a while, but I finally have some down time to update this thing. A lot has happened in the last few months what with my lease ending, starting a new job and rearranging my dreams, future... hm, maybe that last part is a bit of a stretch. I have been mulling over different possibilities but a clear cut plan has yet to come into fruition. I have hope though! Hope. What a word. It's been a distant thought for a while. Doubt had such a stronghold on everything in my life and now, well Hope knocked down the door and kicked doubt's ass so everything's cool.

I've moved into a brand new place and it has opened up endless possibilities. Side note- MOVING SUCKS. Ok. Done.
I know you should never depend so much on your environment that you let it dictate what you want and/or who you are, but as I'm writing this it just sounds wrong... also impossible, so maybe my stagnant inclinations were inevitable. Well no more laziness, no more complaining, no more wishing. This summer is going to be an experience, I've already decided. All I have to do is write more. It's so simple yet so insanely hard to do. I was speaking with someone about having a "passion" in the city and how difficult it is to be successful or even work on your "passion" if you don't focus. This conversation is by no means new or surprising, but it is very, very applicable to so many twenty-somethings. Just yesterday I was perusing okcupid (don't judge me) and so many profiles had the phrase "existential crisis" tucked comfortably away in "About Me" or "What I'm Doing With My Life," and it's not hard to see why. Grappling with where you thought you'd be and where you are now is something that can be hard to come to terms with. It helps though, that there are so many people having the same depressing thoughts. Maybe I should join some kind sort of collective. Also probably find some will power somewhere. I could probably get that off e-bay, right?

Let's talk about friends. I've found that in this year and a half I've been here friendship has been one of not the most significant concepts I've had to reconfigure. When we were younger it was so easy to make them. Go up to someone and offer them a pog or a marble, hell a leaf and ask coyly, "Friends?" And the answer would always be yes. Now making friends is a lot like dating. You have to sift through a lot of trash to find that treasure haha oh okc... (don't judge me.) Finding the right friends has an impact and if you have a crazy one, well then lord help you. Having a circle of people around you who genuinely care about your well-being is something that can be really tough to find so if you have those people you should never take them for granted. The beauty of friendship truly rests in each individual you allow into a very private part of your life and yourself. Oh lawd, I'm starting to sound like a self help book again. All I wanted to say is that I am so grateful for everyone in my life and have learned so much through all my relationships and experiences with so many amazing people. This city can easily eat you alive, so it helps to have some people in your corner. A crew if you will. Ha.

It's time to be more consistent again. I wonder how many times I've said that in this thing. A LOT. I know that.


LOVE HIM.



I'm out.

Inhale and Exhale

I haven't written any poetry on this blog and I think I'm feeling now is the time to let loose some versification


Inhale and exhale
Out tired memories that stifle the future
And violently caress significant progress
With rough fingertips and painful intentions.
Inhale
Positive orbs of glowing amiability,
Covert happiness;
Exhale the putrid cowardice,
The haughty, selfish waste
That has overtaken your senses
Leaving you in disoriented disbelief.
Inhale fortitude and disambiguated virtue,
Good fortune and compassion
Exhale violent thoughts of revenge and paranoid mistrust,
Exhale the embittered litany of capricious excuses
That so completely cripple your mind.
Exhale inconsequential mistakes that have been festering
Forming cankerous melancholy within your being
Exhale until your lungs are remiss and cry for life
Exhale until your eyes begin to water and your body starts to tremble
Exhale until the world grows darker
Exhale until you can exhale no more and you are utterly depleted
Exhale until you begin to drift out of consciousness and there is no light
Then inhale.
Inhale all that you have yet to experience
Inhale all the wonder and excitement waiting for you
Inhale all the opportunities anxiously materializing
Inhale all the infinite possibility and unadulterated happiness
Inhale all of life until you feel you are going to burst
Inhale and exhale to live.


I'm out.

What A Reaction!

So remember how I posted that missed connections thingy? I got a few replies, one appreciating my sense of humor, the other a senseless mean-spirited critique on the event. It goes as follows...

You're not his soul-mate you were just sitting there with zero awareness. And he ran into you like a door runs into a door-stopper.
Love is free flowing. Stop being attracted to alpha males at the club!!

P.S. How big are you!? You broke his fall ! lol

1. Who is this guy?
2. Why did he feel he needed to respond with such negativity?
3. Alpha males at the club? Obviously, this guy has some issues that no amount of deprecating emails can cure.
4. It looks like we got a whiner on our hands

His email is peacepoetry, but there was nothing peaceful or poetic about that response! I don't understand how you could be mean to someone without knowing ANYTHING about them. Doesn't make sense to me. And so what if I was a big girl? What an asshole. People with issues should be banned from the internet.


I went to bus boys and poets again last night and witnessed an awesome performance by this world renowned spoken-word artist, Sonya Renee. I have to write about that experience in more detail later. Wouldn't you know it. Time crunch- AGAIN.

Until next time.