A blog about nothing in particular. It's not educational or informative (well maybe a little bit?), nor does it use proper grammar/punctuation; but dear gawd, i hope it's entertaining.
I have been watching an unhealthy amount of Skins and I believe it's having a strange affect on how I view the world now. Staying up into the wee hours of the morning watching episodes in segments has begun taking a toll on my perception of reality. More and more in social situations everything around me just seems to blur, altering my inhibitions. At certain points of the night it seems like I am in some sort of syndicated TV show, following a well thought out script, interacting with other enthusiastic actors. Then, I don't feel so constricted by societal normalcy and become more comfortable actually doing/saying what I want.
I'm still unsure if this revelation in me is good or bad, but it's something. I've been feeling like that dumb, impressionable teenager that blindly follows trends, but I've also been feeling even more comfortable in my own skin (ba dum ching!). Maybe a dose of some twisted, teenage drama can put things into perspective and help people just relax. I guess what I'm trying to say here is there needs to be a summit where all the leaders of the world are required to watch skins seasons 1-4. It may make the world a better place.
image from collide.com
Oh and I don't even want to discuss the abomination that is going to be airing on MTV soon that is basically the same thing but Americanized (trashier?). Why must we ruin a good thing? This travesty should also be discussed at said summit.
So it seems no matter where I go, no matter what ideological differences I think exists amongst "sub cultures," everyone seems to be the same when it comes to race. Last night I was in line for the bathroom at Splash (a gay bar in the city, near Union Square) and was bombarded by stupidity from this guy who announced he was from DC. After complimenting me sweetly he went on a nonsensical tirade about how he was a "liberal humanitarian" and how he enjoyed meeting a "sistah" in DC, which turned out to be Maya Angelou. The appalling way in which he told me about his love for notable black women was enough to make me throw up all the food I ingested that day. I stood there, staring at him in disbelief, wishing I had enough strength to tell him how incredibly ignorant he was being, but alas, I did not. Instead this guy I had been secretly judging because he looked and sounded like he rolled out of an episode of Jersey Shore saved me. He had been listening to this drunken, bumbling idiot and thankfully interjected, asking the guy to guess his heritage, to which the a-hole strangely responded, "She's my assistant." I theatrically shook my head "no" to let him know I was not affiliated with this moron. Jersey Shore asked me if the guy was bothering me and I mouthed yes with a kind of desperation I never knew I had. He then somehow got the guy to go away by continuously asking him to guess his racial identity. At this point, I too was trying to resolve the question, in my head. Eventually the drunken fool got the clue and stumbled out of the bathroom. Jersey Shore told me I was beautiful and that I didn't need to take that insolence from anyone. He then whipped a comb out and fixed his hair, blew a kiss at the mirror and walked out. Okay, that last part didn't happen, but I imagined it in my head. I wish he did do that. He just walked away with an air of knowing and understanding. He was like Buddha. What a guy.
In case you were wondering, Jersey Shore was Asian.
Every year I make a point to comment on the ridiculousness of this holiday. In general I dislike traditions that have become consumerist parasites that eat away at our society. By now, we should all know that what went down at Plymouth Rock or whatever, was not some stupid, playful sing-a-long amongst the pilgrims and the Indians but a brutal, violent slaughter that scars the history of this country. Can you believe that we were taught the Indians and pilgrims actually got along?! That they had this adorable outdoor potluck where they exchanged recipes and played mancala. It's absolutely unnerving.
This year I could not go see my family in Florida because I HAVE TO WORK TOMORROW. It's one of those infuriating (un)necessary sacrifices I had to make because of poor planning and because my absence could cost me my job.
BLACK FRIDAY
The epitome of everything I hate about this country. A telling, unfiltered look into consumerism and selfishness. At 2 am sleepy shoppers will be arising in hopes of finding "great deals" on clothing, books, accessories, food, bedding, household appliances, furniture, electronics, cds and dvds, tools and an assortment of stupid garbage that feeds into the notion that you are what you have. Running around stores with a look of fiery desperation burning in their eyes, people will kick slap and scream their way down aisles, through shelves, on counter tops in hopes of attaining every deal they can. Meanwhile, corporations are laughing atop their pedestals of cutthroat success at the masses kill each other for a tickle-me-elmo. And there I shall stand, somberly in the midst of violent confusion asking myself "why?" and wondering when everything went wrong.
In an earlier entry I wrote about the annoying inevitability of white people talking about race with me when they're drunk. It happens more often then not, when randomly the color of my skin becomes the subject of a joke or an inane observance, "You're the only black girl in the corner of this bar," when there are plenty of people of color everywhere else. Though, I attempt to be forgiving and understanding of the intolerably candid people who probably barely talk about race in their sober lives, it gets tiring. In this instance, I was (un)pleasantly accompanied by a fellow patron at the bar I was at on a walk home. Granted, his chivalry skills were not to be ignored, his common sense was considerably hindered. It was comical how he continuously made one insulting statement after the other. Wanting so ardently to blame his completely inappropriate, prejudice remarks on alcohol, I simply cannot relieve him of his blatant racial remarks. I shall lists the ways in which he offended me:
"You don't seem like you've been tainted by the ghetto."
"I see bloods and crypts everywhere." The he tells me this story where a (obviously) black man tells him to through up the bloods sign and then laughs when he does. I mean, the guys obviously laughing because the kid looked like he was going to piss himself and threw up some garbled sign he believed to signify the bloods. Freaking moron. The guy's lived in Brooklyn 3 years, in which I am sure he would have not acquired a comprehensive understanding of the history of the boloods and crypts especially considering his profound stupidity.
"I'm not trying to sound racist."
"People usually say things when they see a white guy walking with a black girl down the street. I had a black girlfriend and guys would always yell at us and she would yell back."
"I get scared when my sister comes to visit."
I kid you not, this bumbling idiot was spilling all of this garbage all over my ears, nauseating and angering me, and all I could do was be shocked by his ignorance. Not once did he seem to feel any humiliation or remorse about the outwardly offensive things he was saying. AND THEN HIS DUMBASS tried to friend me on facebook. You have GOT to be kidding me. Ugh, what a loser.
I'm too speechless to write anymore *awkward laughter*
I've been wondering exactly what it is that has been preventing me from achieving my dreams and the simple answer has been: Me... and the millions of others who have the same passion as I do... and the ever-depleting job opportunities in the bleak writing industry... and the rise of the "blogging age." After graduating from college I had higher hopes for myself as a writer. I was hoping to make a career out of something I love, not be thrust into a mediocre job with little to no gratification and long hours dealing with selfish, needy people and a laughable salary.
Now, don't get me wrong, I love my blog. That is also not to say that I am displeased with the enthusiasm in which people are starting new blogs and getting across their ideas to an audience. However, I am envious (almost to the point of violence: note, flailing and cussing in disbelief) of blogs that have made names for themselves and in turn (stupidly) trademarks, such as : stuff white people like and shit my dad says. My annoyance has no bounds simply because well, Why the hell didn't I think of that?! So, in hopes of somehow making a break into the industry because-let's face it- that's what I want, I will be here on out whoring myself to the public. JUST KIDDING! Ugh, who do you think I am? This kid?
somebody tell him to stop making videos. Ok! I'll do it! STOP IT!! PLEASE. YOU ARE SINGLE-HANDEDLY CATAPULTING THE MINDS OF AMERICAN CHILDREN INTO A BRAINCELL-SHATTERING ABYSS.
Anyway, instead of becoming an attention grabbing parasite, I'm just going to keep writing. Here. In my notebook. On my computer. In my head...huh?
The industry is tough, and there are a lot of great writers out there, and the odds of me landing anything remotely interesting right now is inconceivable. This city eats people like me for breakfast, it doesn't sit me down at a nice fine restaraunt to dine... hm, like Daniel or Masa... I mean LOOK AT THEIR WEBSITES! So sexy. No, this city will eat me raw and crush my bones into the foundation of the statue of liberty, laughing mockingly. I will not give up, however, my desire is too strong. Besides, I can't stop writing if I tried...
Sigh. I'm just feeling pretty defeated today.
For many months, I mean, years, mainstream media has been an overwhelming disappointment in my eyes. Convincing me that not one single journalist can uphold the ethics and principles of journalism, I had but given up on watching the news and drifted selfishly into an ignorant oblivion. On occasion I would peruse the NYtimes when events were happening around me that I wanted to better understand, like the rise of the tea party and the embarrassing remarks about the mosque being built in the city. Recently, I have decided not only is this "blissful ignorance" unhealthy, but it's a detriment to what it is to be an American. All over the globe Americans are seen as being brainless, self-absorbed cretins and I was feeding right into that prejudice. Although, today a few articles I read reminded me of my aversion to media. Last night I had a conversation with some friends about where politics in this country are going and who/what political thought is at the forefront. One friend believed the country was mostly moderate and the media was exploiting only the two extremes in this country for ratings and possibly a hidden agenda. However, I don't have such a hopeful view of my fellow Americans, no. The Tea Party has brought me to my knees with their exhausting dogmatic claims and racist overtones. It reminds me of an era in this country where xenophobia was a spreading disease that encompassed many "American" minds.
image from newamericanmedia.org
These last few months have been a reprise of history and today I read a few articles that made my stomach queasy, because of the word choice used in them and an underlying mockery of race relations. This article in the NY times about black democrats losing their power after the recent election: Election Diminishes New York’s Black Democrats. was questionable. Though some of it factual, the way it's presented sounds cult-like and that decisions were made solely based on race and not on general equality. This other article is what really made me want to write today: Proficiency of Black Students Is Found to Be Far Lower Than Expected There are ways articles like this should be written. There are obvious sociological implications as to why this deficiency exists. In the beginning of the article Gabriel insists it may not be because of finances due to poor white boys still fairing better in these proficiency tests than poor black boys. It doesn't take a scholar to know that the world looks at these two types of boys differently therefore their family's income level obviously cannot be the only reason for their educational differences. Though he (barely) touches on it, Gabriel does allude to the necessity of having a conversation about the myriad factors of why whites and blacks have different educational backgrounds and histories. DUH! Alright. My rant's over. I gotta get to work.
Ok. Sex. It's something people are oddly opposed to discussing, but feel no embarrassment admitting how much they enjoy it. In my 23 years of living I could count how many conversations I've had with my friends about sex on one hand and the amount of conversations with my family on one finger. Although, I understand the aversion my parents have to speaking with me about sex, I cannot fully comprehend why my friends and I rarely discuss it. I'm not saying from now on I want to solely talk about sex ALL THE TIME ALWAYS, I'm just wondering why it's so uncommon to have the dialogue amongst people I love and trust... hm.
