Just Do It

Battling for months with this ongoing uneasiness with life and where I want to be and who I want to be and all that existential garbage prone to a paranoid, absurdly self-aware, judgmental being, I have finally concluded that I need to "Just Do It."* Not only does this apply to my career, but to everything in life. For too long I've been scared to just leap into something without knowing exactly what the outcome will be and not fearing it wholeheartedly with the nerves of a tadpole. So in my continuous attempts to better my situation I shall try a different approach. No more excuses, no more talking, no more half-assed attempts, it's game time. I got my helmet on, and I look ridiculous but I don't care. Complaining about things is starting to wear on my nerves, and I'm sure my friends would not be completely opposed to never hearing me say, "I need to get outta there," ever again. Sorry guys. Also, I really need to focus time on creativity. I haven't written anything decent in months... Infuriating writer's block is to blame for this horrid dry spell. However, so is laziness and apathy, two emotions I've been all to found of for the last few weeks. It's so easy to just not care. It's so easy to just let things happen and not focus on goals. Goals. What a scary word. It has so many weird, complex connotations. It means so much, but can also be so fleeting. Anyway, I need to dedicate time to doing something I've grown to love beyond words haha get it... cuz it's writing. Sigh. Clinging to that ounce of passion I know is floating around in me somewhere I've got to get my drive back. I also think I need to get out of the city for a little bit to help me put things in perspective. I feel like with the constant motion of Brooklyn and Manhattan it's definitely easy to loose a little bit of yourself amongst all the flashing lights, all the moody people, all the sounds. I need to go somewhere not so... loud- all that racket- yes, I'm 85.
Well thanks for reading everyone, I really do appreciate you taking the time out to read my narcissistic indulgences.


Story of my life.

***Let it be known I denounce any affiliation with Nike, for obvious political/moral reasons. Damn them for creating such a relevant tag line.***

I'm out.

Brooklyn, why are you so lonely?

In this growing age of social networking and online-media based relationship building it's kind of hard to understand the disconnect amongst people when in social settings, i.e. bars. I remember walking into Union Pool the other day observing people, seeing unbridled loneliness seep from their eyes with pathetic certainty. It's a state people are used to, I suppose. Looking for the next person to fill a void in their ever-growing confounded hearts. What can be done about the loneliness? This incessant, unrelenting profoundly infuriating reality is something I have been thinking about for quite some time now. I have figured out it's not just my own manic predilection that is feeding into these thoughts. It's not some wild delusion. Many people have voiced their concerns with being able to meet people and not just romantically, but the entire process of meeting people seems to be convoluted and daunting. There's really no conclusion I could come up with to remedy the whole situation. It's all to do with individuals and not being a prisoner of fear and rejection. I dunno... it's just something that's been on my mind...


Shudder.


I'm out.

Not...AGAIN

In an earlier entry I wrote about the annoying inevitability of white people talking about race with me when they're drunk. It happens more often then not, when randomly the color of my skin becomes the subject of a joke or an inane observance, "You're the only black girl in the corner of this bar," when there are plenty of people of color everywhere else. Though, I attempt to be forgiving and understanding of the intolerably candid people who probably barely talk about race in their sober lives, it gets tiring. In this instance, I was (un)pleasantly accompanied by a fellow patron at the bar I was at on a walk home. Granted, his chivalry skills were not to be ignored, his common sense was considerably hindered. It was comical how he continuously made one insulting statement after the other. Wanting so ardently to blame his completely inappropriate, prejudice remarks on alcohol, I simply cannot relieve him of his blatant racial remarks. I shall lists the ways in which he offended me:

"You don't seem like you've been tainted by the ghetto."

"I see bloods and crypts everywhere." The he tells me this story where a (obviously) black man tells him to through up the bloods sign and then laughs when he does. I mean, the guys obviously laughing because the kid looked like he was going to piss himself and threw up some garbled sign he believed to signify the bloods. Freaking moron. The guy's lived in Brooklyn 3 years, in which I am sure he would have not acquired a comprehensive understanding of the history of the boloods and crypts especially considering his profound stupidity.

"I'm not trying to sound racist."


"People usually say things when they see a white guy walking with a black girl down the street. I had a black girlfriend and guys would always yell at us and she would yell back."

"I get scared when my sister comes to visit."


I kid you not, this bumbling idiot was spilling all of this garbage all over my ears, nauseating and angering me, and all I could do was be shocked by his ignorance. Not once did he seem to feel any humiliation or remorse about the outwardly offensive things he was saying. AND THEN HIS DUMBASS tried to friend me on facebook. You have GOT to be kidding me. Ugh, what a loser.



I'm too speechless to write anymore *awkward laughter*





I'm out.

Franklin Park and Washington

I have been going out to quite a few bars, but haven't been writing about them. SHAME ON ME. Today, however, I have decided to break that horribe habit of mine and review a bar I went to a few nights ago with a group of people for a birthday party.

First and foremost, this bar is in Crown Heights. I never venture below Broadway except for very special occasions (this was one of them), so I don't know too much about it. I realized I don't like not knowing the "geography" of areas I find myself in, so either I need to get myself better acquainted with places before I go or just not leave northern Brooklyn- EVER. Because I'm lazy and stuck in my ways I'm leaning towards the latter. Not because I don't care about other places in Brooklyn, but because I don't have time/energy/resources to explore BK properly- excuses, excuses. Of course I'm going to explore Brooklyn! Well, when I'm in the mood.

Anyway, I went to this bar from Williamsburg by CAR! I NEVER TAKE CARS. I CURSE CARS AND ALL THAT THEY STAND FOR, plus I'm broke as hell. It's just one of those luxuries I dream I could afford one day. Because of that insanely strange necessity to take a car to Franklin Park I already mildly disliked the bar. With that being said, we arrived and entered the front of the place which was a large out door sitting area toward the street so it was neither flattering nor comfortable. After getting (not-so expensive, which was nice) drinks we stood around trying to find a place to sit. Unfortunately, the dance space was closed so we were stuck to our own devices and forced to entertain each other though we all knew we "just wanna dance." We found a bench which was really nice and sat around and talked for a bit. It's nice to go out with a group sometimes and just exchange funny stories and get to know acquaintances better. After looking around the bar once again, realizing there was really nothing there we couldn't do in Williamsburg, we took a car back - I don't wanna talk about it haha- and wound up at Royal Oak. I have a love/hate relationship with that bar considering 80% of the time I'm questioning why/how I got there and when I could leave. Luckily, because I was with such awesome people it was a goooood time. We danced and drank and merriment was had.

In a nutshell, I will not be going back to Franklin Park anytime soon unless maybe it's for one of those open mics or something, because I'm a sucker for open mics. Also, I was thinking it really just could've been an off night, because I've heard so many great things about the bar. Here are a few pluses:
It was a mixed crowd
The drinks were cheap
People were friendly

Eh, maybe I'll give it another chance... someday.


Oh and before I go here's a little treat/something random for you. A throwback for some. I freaking love this song...






I'm out.

July 4th Madness

July 4th represents a lot of different things to numerous people who hold vastly diverse views on this country. Our day of independence did not mean much for a population of people living in this country at the time, but it did give way to the many freedoms we all enjoy today as American citizens. Yesterday (july 4th) I was with a few friends discussing the disparities in our government and relishing in our freedom to be able to hold these views without fear of punishment. It was an interesting conversation filled with ambivalence and sincerity. I, like many others, have a love/hate relationship with this wonderfully complicated country.
However, this is not why I am updating. I am updating to tell you about the awkward bbq I attended with a group of complete strangers.
So my friend and I were invited to this bbq without knowing but one person. It was a weird crowd of people because they were all paired off (the people who lived there and knew the guys who lived there) and didn't seem to be receptive to meeting new people, but my friend's friends were super cool and it was nice kind of getting to know them. So we were in Brooklyn, and these guys totally had that frat boy thing going on, which I am by no means against! It was just odd seeing it in the middle of Williamsburg. Eh, maybe not... Anywho, at first, I sat in the corner with my two friends wondering how the hell I get myself into these situations and later on after some liquid courage, I decided to bite the bullet and make the effort the hosts' refused to by walking over to the kiddie pool (yes there was a kiddie pool) and sticking my feet in with them and just started talking. It turns out the dudes were really cool and pretty funny. But then they began talking about sports at some point and I completely blanked out. The funniest part of our interaction, though, was when two of the guys girlfriends came over and sat on their boyfriends' laps. It was a warning sign for me I suppose. They didn't even join the conversation, they just spoke to each other. A united front against the enemy/vixen- yes, I just called myself a vixen. Cool it, I'm being sarcastic haha. Lock your boyfriends away ladies, I'm on the prowl. I chuckled to myself at the ridiculousness of the situation. Shortly after, my friends and I decided to leave. After we left we had a lot of fun and watched the fireworks on one of my friends' roofs. It was a goooooood time (as aforementioned).
I really do like meeting new people so even at the awkward bbq I had fun. Although, I feel like I've spent an obscene amount of money on going out and need to find other activities that don't delve into my pockets and make my money disappear. Any suggestions? I'm open to anything! THAT'S FREE. Hope you all had a wonderful July 4th weekend!

photo from clipartof.com

Also, I want to take this opportunity to shout out my g-ma who's bday lands on the day of independence! Happy Birthday Eva, though you'll never see this =/ haha

One more thing! I need to buy Independence Day. That movie is so dang goooooood. Love me some Will and Jeff.


I'm out.