Subway Social

Ok. Let's talk about it. Subway etiquette- rules that aren't written down anywhere, an unspeakable code with which to carry yourself on public transportation that should be inherently known, but is often ignored. Countless times I have seen people effectively ruin other people's days by choosing to exclude themselves from common decency. There are a few subway faux pas that really grind my gears. What are they you ask? Well, don't mind if i tell you...

Space Hog
Listen buddy, it's 7am, everyone is delirious and wondering why the hell they even got up for work at such an ungodly hour to get to some terrible job they hate. These people don't need you to make their lives any worse. You, leaning on the subway pole so no one else may be allowed to balance themselves as they whiz through dark tunnels underground, rocking back and forth like a newborn deer. You who sit with your legs so wide open it's as though you're performing some kind of cirque de soleil feat. You who puts their newspaper on the seat next to you instead of rolling it up and putting away like a normal human being. Nobody likes you. We are all staring at you on the subway car in sheer disbelief and disgust. You are a selfish, ridiculous piece of work. A piece of work I'd like to punch in the stomach.

The Seat Grinch
I see you standing there, eye-balling the subway car like some deranged animal, anxiously awaiting a seat vacancy that should be given to the decrepit old man standing next to you. No. No, you don't see him do you or you just don't care. Once on that train you lose respect for yourself and others and become a flagrant asshole, diving into seats, shoving innocent people, and just being a self-centered cretin.

The Loudspeaker
Not one person wants to hear your conversation other than the person you're yelling to on the phone or right next to you let alone an entire car of people. And your use of the English language is shameful and appalling. If it's not your skin-tingling use of colorful language it's the content itself- mind-numbing facts about obscure bands or a dumb story about some drunken antics the night before. NO ONE CARES HOW WASTED YOU WERE. Oh and you who are not saying anything, but are kind enough to turn your headphones up to extreme volumes so we could all enjoy the awful music that is deteriorating your ear drums and simultaneously pissing everyone off. And you're oblivious to it all, bopping your head along to some rhythm-less metal song, tapping your toes to a brainless pop song, or horrendously attempting to rap along with a hip hop song that you've learned the words to by listening to that one song on repeat for weeks. YOU'RE NOT IMPRESSING ANYONE, WE ALL WANT TO KILL YOU. So, kindly stfu.

There are more- MANY MORE inappropriate behaviors I can describe, but those are the most infuriating. I mean there's kids playing on the train like it's a jungle gym, guys doing pull ups on the bars, kids selling candy, mariachi bands, any kind of performer on the subway, train announcements about your belongings that freak out tourists, oh the list goes on and on. Stop being douche bags on the train people. Respect.





I'm out.