So Close to Twenty Followers... Sad.

No, my title has absolutely nothing to do with what I'm writing about today. I've decided my blog is going to rebel against sanity and all that is proper and decent. Nay, I will not be controlled by the "norm." Instead I will rave on incoherently, indefinitely, ridiculously. Actually, I have been mulling over a pretty serious topic of interest that has not only infiltrated the hearts and minds of the country but also irritates the hell out of people and can be extremely offensive. It's a question you're asked whenever you purchase that loaf of bread and eggs and lunch meat. Or every time you pile tofu, flax seed and oatmeal into your shopping cart. You know the question well, "Paper or plastic?" Nowadays that is almost like punching someone square on in the mouth. WHAT DID YOU ASK ME?! PAPER OR WHAT?! I HAVE MY OWN BAG THANK YOU. Ah, yes. The people who not only use age old rags fashioned into bags in order to avoid the blasphemous, sinful, just plain wrong option to take a plastic bag. Ok. Do not get me wrong. I LOVE MOTHER EARTH. I'm all for her flourishing forever and ever, living a long, healthy fulfilling life, BUT, I do have a problem with people who get incomprehensibly angry at people who don't use reusable bags and have an air of disgusting superiority that you cannot penetrate... without fists of fury. I'm really just mad at the people who are oblivious to class and don't see how this little privilege is just that- a privilege. Making blanket statements that smother logic and destroy my nerves. There's nothing wrong with being environmentally conscious. Hell I'm all for that shit. I love recycling. Upcycling is my new obsession, but let us not forget that it is a privilege. Sigh. Class. What a slippery slope. Man, I'm just a ball of sunshine today eh?

And to really drive it home... My new favorite song...



I'm out.

Race Riot

There's this whimsical, unrealistic illusion in society that race relations have magically disappeared and that everyone observes tact when speaking about their opinions on the subject. No. That no is emphatic with a touch of misery and disappointment. I realize that people are raised differently, exposed to different or not so different things and I don't hold that against anybody. You can't change where you grew up, however, I would hope that after 25+ years in the world there would be some kind of conversation with yourself about how to approach certain heated topics and situations. I would hope there would be some level of consideration when speaking so confidently about such a topic. Nay. There is nary a stutter when I hear off-hand comments carelessly spouted after two beers. I'm tired of it. I'm exhausted from all the excuses I formulate after speaking candidly with said people. I'm annoyed that people feel it's okay to say certain things in front of me assuming I won't mind or care. I'm tired of writing about these occasions so consider this the LAST POST I will write on the subject. My fingers are cramping over these keys, trying to get this shit out for the lasssttt timeeee. Alright, you and I both know that will not be the case, but at least for a while I will cease. No more. For a while. And now to cheer you up... my girl Ri Ri. Yes, it is ok that your jaw has hit the floor. I too am amazed at my seamless turnaround. All it takes is one video directed by Melina Matsoukas featuring Calvin Harris for me to drink the cool-aid. Man, I'm all up in it.



I'm out.

Subway Social

Ok. Let's talk about it. Subway etiquette- rules that aren't written down anywhere, an unspeakable code with which to carry yourself on public transportation that should be inherently known, but is often ignored. Countless times I have seen people effectively ruin other people's days by choosing to exclude themselves from common decency. There are a few subway faux pas that really grind my gears. What are they you ask? Well, don't mind if i tell you...

Space Hog
Listen buddy, it's 7am, everyone is delirious and wondering why the hell they even got up for work at such an ungodly hour to get to some terrible job they hate. These people don't need you to make their lives any worse. You, leaning on the subway pole so no one else may be allowed to balance themselves as they whiz through dark tunnels underground, rocking back and forth like a newborn deer. You who sit with your legs so wide open it's as though you're performing some kind of cirque de soleil feat. You who puts their newspaper on the seat next to you instead of rolling it up and putting away like a normal human being. Nobody likes you. We are all staring at you on the subway car in sheer disbelief and disgust. You are a selfish, ridiculous piece of work. A piece of work I'd like to punch in the stomach.

The Seat Grinch
I see you standing there, eye-balling the subway car like some deranged animal, anxiously awaiting a seat vacancy that should be given to the decrepit old man standing next to you. No. No, you don't see him do you or you just don't care. Once on that train you lose respect for yourself and others and become a flagrant asshole, diving into seats, shoving innocent people, and just being a self-centered cretin.

The Loudspeaker
Not one person wants to hear your conversation other than the person you're yelling to on the phone or right next to you let alone an entire car of people. And your use of the English language is shameful and appalling. If it's not your skin-tingling use of colorful language it's the content itself- mind-numbing facts about obscure bands or a dumb story about some drunken antics the night before. NO ONE CARES HOW WASTED YOU WERE. Oh and you who are not saying anything, but are kind enough to turn your headphones up to extreme volumes so we could all enjoy the awful music that is deteriorating your ear drums and simultaneously pissing everyone off. And you're oblivious to it all, bopping your head along to some rhythm-less metal song, tapping your toes to a brainless pop song, or horrendously attempting to rap along with a hip hop song that you've learned the words to by listening to that one song on repeat for weeks. YOU'RE NOT IMPRESSING ANYONE, WE ALL WANT TO KILL YOU. So, kindly stfu.

There are more- MANY MORE inappropriate behaviors I can describe, but those are the most infuriating. I mean there's kids playing on the train like it's a jungle gym, guys doing pull ups on the bars, kids selling candy, mariachi bands, any kind of performer on the subway, train announcements about your belongings that freak out tourists, oh the list goes on and on. Stop being douche bags on the train people. Respect.





I'm out.