Creatively Challenged

I have such talented friends. Painters, Sculptors, Photographers, Editors, Designers, Actors, Musicians, Drag Queens... the list goes on... into tiny micromanaged categories. However, when I think of me and what I do I hardly consider myself an artist or even creative. I've been beating myself up recently for being unable to find enjoyment in anything creative- save writing. This contradiction has not gone overlooked. Writing is creating, I suppose. I don't understand my ambivalent reality at all, and I don't like it and I'm always trying to refute its unstable implications. I rarely draw except when I doodle which I haven't done in months. I don't make things unless that counts putting together a sandwich. My hands are tools I stare at in dismay wondering where in my life they surrendered to a life of banality. I don't own a camera but use Instagram like it's no body's business, but I would hardly call myself a photographer. I've been feeling less enthused with the idea of being called a "writer," for the simple, narcissistic fact that it just doesn't seem cool anymore. When the age of the internet began so did the fall of the writer. Bloggers took over the internet and made actual writers redefine themselves and what it was to be a writer. They are now all unemployed... or working terrible retail jobs... Jk. I have no idea (but probably). Then again, what is a blogger? A writer. As defined in the dictionary a writer is: writ·er/ˈrītər/Noun
1. A person who has written a particular text. In that case there is no difference between a blogger and a writer. Oh, but there is... there has to be or my efforts have all been in vain. Is blogging going to be my life? Should I succumb to the inevitability that sharing my ridiculous thoughts on the internet will eventually be my career. I can't. Oh, but I can. WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN? This whole argument is a plethora of insane discrepancies and unfair assumptions.

I used to relish in all types of peoples' indulgences in the internet. I used to take in all the wonderful excitement that buzzed heavily around twitter and facebook, and friendster (is that even real?), and the list goes on. Now, I feel like the internet took something away from me. A solid voice.
In this constantly changing environment with the amount of turn-over in trends and the decreasing attention span of the nation it's terrifying to think of where I'll fit in. If I'll fit in. How I'll fit in.

I'm rambling again. It's becoming a horrible habit.

Apologies.




I'm out.

Questions, Questions, Questions

Do you ever wonder what drives people to build relationships with certain people? And I don't just mean romantically. Actually, I don't mean romantically at all. What goes through a person's mind when they see someone and immediately know they have to form a bound with them. What unspeakable force draws us to the people we find ourselves surrounded by? It has to be more than just common interests because then everybody in Williamsburg would be skipping through McCarren holding hands and singing that Bobby McFerrin song, eating vegan ice cream and downing whiskey. There's an X factor, I guess. That incomprehensible knowing. That potential.
A more interesting question, since we humans love dwelling on negativity, is the opposite, what makes people write others off without so much as a "hello." You know the people I'm talking about. You see them and immediately you make a snap judgment. There's just something "off" about them.
And don't get me started about the whole, "boys can't be just friends with girls" foolishness, because that plain drives me crazy. Many times I have questioned this statement and wondered what ninny came up with it and all the idiots that repeat it. By the way, they totally can.
I dunno. I just woke up this morning with lots of questions about...life. About people. About events that turn out just to be another page in my diary. Sigh. Anyway, relationships are weird. I don't think I'll ever completely understand how they come into fruition, but that's not necessarily a bad thing... so...


This song makes me happy. haha



I'm out.