So it seems my paranoia has not let up as much as I would have liked. It still shows itself in sneaky ways and I don't realize it's paranoia until too late. sigh. So, my blog name still holds true. I am very much still a paranoid. However, I have gotten tons better considering I don't cower at the thought of happiness. I used to think if I was happy it was all going to come crashing down within minutes. If I allowed my self to just be in the moment and happy, everything would go horribly wrong and it would me my fault! I'm sick. I know. I'm working on it... actively. In the past I always told myself I was "working" on whatever it is that perpetuates these feelings, but now I'm realizing that simply recognizing that it's there is not enough! I need to actively fight these feelings. Also, I think I was harboring these feelings because i felt like they were apart of me, of my personality. Like, "oh, that's chris, she's cool. she's paranoid." horrible.
In other news-
I already got promoted at my new job and i haven't even started yet! haha. i'm going to be a team leader whatever the hell that means, but it sounds cool. I really like my boss she seems super nice. Life's good right now and I'm enjoying it. All I need to do now is get out of my aunt's. she's taken to bothering me about eating again, and of course has something to say about my fervent desire to get out of the house. Let me go people! Let me go!
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