Packing for my move was so strange. Everything that I experienced and lived in VA was also getting packed away in a different sense, and as I folded clothes and shoved books into my book bag I began to grasp the infallible change that has occurred within me these last months. It really has been like a story, with a definitive beginning, middle, and end along with rising action, klymaxx (haha), and all the rest. And what an extraordinary ending. I left on such a fantastic note.
So here's my life in VA packed away in suitcases and such...
Note how uneasily neat everything appears. It reminds me of Nietzsche's Appolinian/Dionysian feuding dualities. A violently raging, chaotic reality beneath an appearance of perfect serenity.
After months of rehabilitation and self-discovery I find myself back where I started, in the place where it all began- a slowly deteriorating house in Yonkers. Being here makes me feel strange. Not exactly like I'm reverting back to who/what I was before, but a certain sinking feeling, like staying here for any extended amount of time (more than 3 days) will eventually lead to self-destruction. Luckily, I am not staying here, but moving into my apartment in Brooklyn. However, when that is has not been discussed which makes me a tad nervous and slightly irritated. Alas, I cannot complain for my family has been such an extraordinarily dependable entity in my life.
For these past months I have been slightly withdrawn from certain emotional connections for (to me) obvious reasons, but have since shed that defense mechanism because though being numb is sometimes necessary, being in a constant state of aloofness is just plain unhealthy. Though I thought I was protecting myself, there was something I knew was missing. I wasn't entirely whole because I kept myself from feeling. Gah, I love learning. Isn't life awesome?!
And now I am ready to take on the big city! There are so many things I want to realistically accomplish, so again I'm planning and executing. You can call me the executioner (only if you so desire).
I shall leave you with a song I am currently infatuated with...
I LOVE THEM.
I'm out.
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